Thursday, May 29, 2008

A Long, Hard Day

Mom had her surgery today. It was scheduled for 11 am, so we arrived at 9:30 am as instructed. The surgeon unfortunately ran into a complicated emergency surgery just before Mom's and wasn't able to operate on her until 2:30 pm. Bless Mom's heart. Her sweet little throat was so dry, but she couldn't have as much as a drop to drink. I wanted to sneak her one, but thought better of it. Dad & I waited out the 2.5 hours in the surgery waiting room fluctuating between worry and hope. The doctor who is apparently an excellent surgeon, but not the best at bedside manner, came in at 5 to tell us the news.

Mom's mass proved to be malignant based upon the frozen section they took mid-stream. He also found some very suspicious lymph nodes that were hardened and appeared to be malignant as well. They did only have to remove the bottom half of the right lung, not the whole lung. The diaphragm seemed ok. The liver wasn't accessed. Now we wait for the pathology report in a few days time to tell us type of cancer, stage, and course of action.

We were able to visit with Mom in the ICU and one of the saddest parts was that she looked great and seemed to be recovering in leaps and bounds (which of course is a great thing, don't get me wrong), but it just made me wish that she was recovering to find it was benign or just an infection and that life would go right back to normal, or be better even, feeling healthier than ever.

Now, we face the unknown. So many variables. I am so terribly sad right now that I am just beside myself. I can't even believe I have sat this still to write this much. I feel like I will have a panic attack any moment or hyper-ventilate. I want to call Mom and confide in her just how I feel, as if this is happening to other people, but I can't. Because this is us and she is resting in jolts between bouts of pain with tubes all over the place. And it's eerie to not be able to reach out to her and it scares me of what it will be like one day if she is no longer here.

My Dad cried, not once, but many times. I have only seen him cry once before. It pained me deeply to see him so sad.
I am trying to get all my crying out tonight, so I can just go and be strong and fully there for Mom starting tomorrow. But, it is hard. It hurts so much in my heart.

I prayed a lot and this happened, but I will keep my faith and pray more. And help Mom heal. And show Mom just how much I love her. And help her do all those things that make her happy. I just have one hope and that is for time to be on our side.

Thank you to everyone for your support. Please keep those good thoughts and prayers coming. We will need them now more than ever. As always, can't thank you enough.

15 comments:

Susan said...

Karen, I am so sorry. I will keep you all in my thoughts.

Wanda said...

Karen, Keep strong. If you need anything let me know. I'm getting ready to send soemthing to your Mom.

Anam said...

I just finished sending a SwapBot message off to you and then decided to peek in here. I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't go as you'd hoped. Lets pray that everything bad was found and taken care of and that your dear Mum gets well quickly. Your family will be included in my prayers tonight.

With warmest regards,
Anam

Anam said...

Karen, I just finished sending you a SwapBot message about sending your Mum a card and then I decided to peek at your blog. I'm so sorry to find things didn't turn out as you'd hoped. Your family is included in my prayers today.

With warmest regards,
Anam

Serena said...

Karen, just you make sure you look after yourself too ....

The Dyer Family said...

good luck on this difficult road ahead - we will keep your family in our thoughts and prayers.

Kai said...

Karen, I know you are sad & worried & scared. Cancer is a terrifying word. But believe me when I tell you that it does NOT always mean a bad ending. I know! You have so many people sending up prayers for you & your family. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS NO MATTER WHAT IT INVOLVES! And we - your blog friends - are all only a mouse click away whenever you need us. I mailed a silly lil' package to your mom yesterday. I hope it makes her smile! And please, keep us posted on all updates! Big loving & supportive hugs to you, and to your parents! STAY POSITIVE!

Margerie said...

I am so sorry Karen. This surely tips your world upside down. I hope you find comfort once your oncologist comes up with a plan for your mom's treatment.

Do you all have some kind of cancer resource center where you can find a great caregiver support group?

Your mom is a lucky woman having such a loving family. I am sure you all will give her much strength.

Thinking of you and yours.

Kerry said...

Sending you all lots of love.

Kerry

Niesz Vintage Home said...

So sorry to hear there wasn't a more positive outcome of your mom's biopsy.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Kimberly

laura said...

More good thoughts are being send every day...I'm glad you are there for your father.

Kate said...

i am so sorry to hear about your mom... I could never imagine going through something like that. Just be strong (the best you can0 and keep your faith. I have been told many tmes god gives you only what you can handle... hopefully he is'nt giving you too much. I will keep you family in my prayers for a fast recovery!

Amy Baird said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you are holding up under the stress...you are in my thoughts!

Elizabeth said...

Karen,

I've been checking your blog. I was so sorry to see this. Whenever you want to talk to someone who isn't afraid of some seriously frank medical discussions, but give me a call. If you don't have my number, just email and I'll send it along. Who's your mom's oncologist?

My Crafty Little Page said...

Karen - I hope your Mom is recovering and out of the post surgery pain. Maybe the surgery was a good thing because they were unable to do surgery on my sisters advanced lung cancer. I'll just pray that it's an early stage and she responds to treatment. My husband had a heart attack last week and oh my how it makes you appreciate the ordinary miracles of daily life. Hang in there - Nancy