This is one chick who can't party like a rock star

So, I got invited to come over to a friend's for Friday night happy hour. And it sounded like fun, so I went. Even as I readied myself, I felt pangs of guilt. Shouldn't I be helping out with the kids at home, so that Michael could relax? After all, he had been at work all week long and was most deserving of a break. Then I realized I think it had been close to 4 years ago that I went out on a Friday night. Alone. Without the kids. Without my husband. So, Michael gave me the "it's alright. you deserve it." pep talk and I was out the door.
I decided to wear the t-shirt one of my girlfriends gave me a birthday or two ago. It says and I quote: "Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon bitches."
When I first got this t-shirt I used to wear it randomly in my mix of clothing. So just like the songs that cycle through your ipod selections, this t-shirt would turn up every now and again. One day I was talking to a very elderly lady at our local farmer's market. She & I were sharing our mutual admiration for some local produce when I noticed her start to stare at the (small) area of space that my breasts occupy. That's when I realized I was wearing a shirt that said "bitches" on it and implied that I thought I was better than. Hmmm. While funny in certain circles, as it is obviously so silly and unlike me, I decided it was time to retire this shirt for public usage. A small cocktail hour with friends that have known me for 8 years + seemed like the perfect occasion to break it out. So, imagine my surprise when I pull up and only know the hostess and one other gal. Everyone else was new to me and mostly elementary school teachers. Nothing like walking up and looking like....a bitch.
Some old friends turned up a bit later and we were all having a great time drinking overly iced margaritas (which made you feel like you were innocently drinking just water). All seemed well & good.
After a few hours someone noticed that there were a ton of cars, in addition to ours, parked up and down the street. That's when we realized that the guys across the street were also having a party. The college guys across the street. All of whom are under the age of 22. And that's when someone in our group mistakingly suggested that we all go over to that party. This is the time I feel it important to mention that the average age in our group of ladies is say, FORTY-FIVE. Every last stinkin' one of us could have been those kids' mothers. Insert sound of a needle scratching across a record.
I don't know the last time I went to a college party. I guess I was in college. Back then I didn't notice things like cabinetry in need of an update or holes in the floor too much. But now I do. Even when I've been drinking. My friends and I stood in a corner of the kitchen where everyone was congregated. We just sort of sat there, giggling, feeling awkward, and taking it all in. A young man was very friendly and admiring of our "good beer", which turned out to be Michelob Ultra's fruit infused beer. No beer connoisseur would ever even take a sip of the stuff, but to a 21 year old on a student budget, it looked golden. As we were talking to this guy about beers ( a favorite topic amongst 2o year olds), another guy comes up out of nowhere and slams a beer atop our new "friend's" beer causing a volcanic beer eruption to the loud crowd cries of "PARTY FOUL!". We were like deer in headlights, we had been so removed from this behavior for so many years. As we moms began busily looking for things to help clean up with (that's what 40 somethings do at 20 somethings' parties), I whispered to my girlfriend that I was going to copy that same move at the next dinner party I was invited to and see how it went over.
Realizing that all we could think of was how much we wanted to desperately redo their cabinets and worried that someone was going to refer to as "ma'am" and ask us to go buy them some beer, we took this as our cue to mosey back where we came from and then head home for the night. Happy to be in bed well before midnight. By the way, I still ended up with a horrible hangover. I'm old.